While bullying and teasing can start as early at first or second grade it definitely starts to peak in 5th or 6th grade until it seems to be its worst through 9th grade. While the key to stopping the bullying and harassment is to reach the children and victims of bullying early there are still things that should and must be done with our teens. Unfortunately by middle school bullying and teasing typically has become an “accepted” part of life. A culture of bullying and harassment has been established and many teens feel powerless to change it. The don't have to be victims of bullying.
The teens year are a critical period when much of a person’s identity and self image is formed. Almost 30 percent of teens in the United States (or over 5.7 million) are estimated to be involved in school bullying and teasing as either a bully, victims of bullying, or both. In a recent national survey of students in grades 6 to 10, 13 percent reported bullying and harassment of others, 11 percent reported being the target of school bullying and teasing, and another 6 percent said they bullied others and were bullied themselves.
Limited available data suggest that teen bullying and harassment is much more common among younger teens than older teens. As teens grow older, they are less likely to bully and tease others and to be the targets of bullying and harassment. This is definitely the period for parents to watch their child closely. Watch for victims of bullying. One of the keys is to establish a free flow of communications with their teen. If your teen feels free to talk to you about any issue this phase of their lives can be very empowering.
School bullying and teasing occurs more frequently among boys than girls. Bullying and harassment by boys is usually more overt and visible. While bullying and teasing by girls is more covert it is often more destructive. Teenage boys are much more likely to bully and harassment of others and to be the targets of bullies. While both boys and girls say others bully and tease them by making fun of the way they look or talk, boys are more likely to report being hit, slapped, or pushed. Teenage girls are more often the targets of rumors and sexual comments. Girls are much more sensitive to issue about their looks and what they are wearing. While teenage boys target both boys and girls, teenage girls most often bully and harass other girl victims of bullying, using more subtle and indirect forms of aggression than boys. For example, instead of physically harming others, they are more likely to spread gossip or encourage others to reject or exclude another girl.
Here are some things you can do to combat psychological and verbal bullying and teasing. They're also good tips to share with a friend as a way to show your support:
Ignore the bully and walk away. It's definitely not a coward's response — sometimes it can be harder than losing your temper. This take a high level of self confidence. Bullies thrive on the reaction they get, and if you walk away, or ignore hurtful emails or instant messages, you're telling the bully that you just don't care. Sooner or later the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you. Walk tall and hold your head high. Using this type of body language sends a message that you're not vulnerable. This may not work with all bullies but can be the easiest to start. Ultimately the bully will respond best to your confidence and strength. Do not be a victim of bullying.
Hold the anger. Who doesn't want to get really upset with a bully? But that's exactly the response he or she is trying to get. They are doing it to get the reaction. Bullies want to know they have control over your emotions. If you're in a situation where you have to deal with a bully and you can't walk away with poise, use humor — it can throw the bully off guard. Work out your anger in another way, such as through exercise or writing it down (make sure you tear up any letters or notes you write in anger). Refuse to be avictim of bullying and teasing.
Don't get physical. However you choose to deal with bullying and teasing, don't use physical force (like kicking, hitting, or pushing). Not only are you showing your anger, you can never be sure what the bully will do in response. You are more likely to be hurt and get in to trouble if you use violence against the bullying and harassment. You can stand up for yourself in other ways, refusing to be a victime of bullying, such as gaining control of the situation by walking away or by being assertive in your actions. Some adults believe that bullying and teasing is a part of growing up (even that it is character building) and that hitting back is the only way to tackle the problem. But that's not the case. Aggressive responses tend to lead to more violence and more bullying for the victims. Keep from being a vicitm of bullying and harassment.
Practice confidence. Practice ways to respond to the bully and harass verbally or through your behavior. Practice feeling good about yourself (even if you have to fake it at first)
Have the confidence to say “NO”. One of the most effective skills that you can learn is to say “NO”! I use the story of a match thrown in the dry grass by a passing driver. If you wait and wait and wait pretty soon the fire I out of control and no one can stop it. Instead if you step on the match right away the fire is out easily. The same works for bullies. Saying “No, Stop, That hurts my feelings and I will not tolerate it!” the first time the bullying and teasing starts you will often stop the bullying right there. Refuse to be a victim of bullying.
Take charge of your life. You can't control other people's actions, but you can stay true to yourself. Think about ways to feel your best — and your strongest — so that other kids may give up the teasing. Exercise is one way to feel strong and powerful. (It's a great mood lifter, too!) Learn a martial art or take a class like yoga. Another way to gain confidence is to hone your skills in something like chess, art, music, computers, or writing. Joining a class, club, or gym is a great way to make new friends and feel great about yourself. The confidence you gain will help you ignore the mean kids. Never accept being a victim of bullying.
Talk about it. It may help to talk to a guidance counselor, teacher, or friend — anyone who can give you the support you need. Talking can be a good outlet for the fears and frustrations that can build when you're being bullied.
Find your (true) friends. If you've been bullied with rumors or gossip, all of the above tips (especially ignoring and not reacting) can apply. But take it one step further to help ease feelings of hurt and isolation. Find one or two true friends and confide how the gossip has hurt your feelings. Set the record straight by telling your friends quietly and confidently what's true and not true about you. Hearing a friend say, "I know the rumor's not true. I didn't pay attention to it," can help you realize that most of the time people see gossip for what it is — petty, rude, and immature.
Bullying and harassment as a teen is often a warning sign that children and teens are heading for trouble and are at risk for serious violence. Teens (particularly boys) who bully and tease are more likely to engage in other antisocial/delinquent behavior (e.g., vandalism, shoplifting, truancy, and drug use) into adulthood. They are four times more likely than non-bullies to be convicted of crimes by age 24, with 60 percent of bullies having at least one criminal conviction.
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